On the Edge of Fear Read online

  “Good. But let’s take care of today’s infraction. Then it will be over and done with.”

  And she’d be spanked. She had watched him spank some people at the Faire last Friday. How would it feel? Most of those people had yiped or cried out in one way or another. One woman scrambled away. “You won’t hurt me, right?” she asked, pulling back slightly.

  His eyes softened. “I won’t harm you, Alexis. This is to make things better, not worse. Will it hurt? Yes. It has to, to make an impression. But you’ll come away better for it. Come on. I know you’re scared. Let’s take care of this so we can move on from it. Stand up.”

  She wanted to beg, plead to get out of it this first time, but her body worked independently of her head and she slid to her feet and stood in front of him.

  “Undo your pants and push them and your panties down past your hips.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Blood rushed past Ryan’s ears. He was actually going to do this. Give his first real discipline spanking to someone he cared for. Why the hell did he feel like he was going to be sick? He’d spanked many people including Becca, when she’d gotten into trouble, at Kendrick’s request when he needed practice. But this felt monumental. What if he screwed up?

  Her brown eyes were glassy and she fumbled as she unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans. It wasn’t until that moment that he noticed how worn her clothing was. He’d seen that blouse before. Of course he’d seen her grab her things from the motel room. She had so little. As Alexis took such good care of herself, he could only imagine the care she must have put into keeping her clothes in such incredible shape.

  He guided her over to his left side and she pushed the pants just below her hips. It was a well-known sub trick to try and lessen for themselves the humiliating aspects of taking a spanking. “Over my lap,” he said in as kind of tone as he could muster. If it weren’t for the fact both Alec and Kendrick had warned him several times that once he took on a sub, he would have to force himself to discipline them correctly, he might have let up and let her off with a warning. That wouldn’t help her. He craved to help her.

  Her hair hung down to the floor once she’d settled over his lap and he stared at it for a few seconds. It was so shiny and he loved combing his fingers through it. Pay attention, Ryan! He took a deep breath and turned toward her ass. His breath caught. It was gorgeous. For as thin as she was, her rear end was nice and curvy. That gorgeous olive skin was over her entire body. Damn but she was beautiful, inside and out, with only a few rough edges to sand down.

  Now was his first opportunity to do so.

  Given the fact she was trembling, he pushed her jeans down only a tiny fraction, leaving her rump clear but giving her more cover than he technically should have left her. “I think ten should do it,” he said, forcing his voice to remain calm. This was for Alexis. It was not about him. He reminded himself of that a few times as he rubbed over her globes to bring the blood closer to the surface.

  Touching her soft, supple skin almost made him moan. His cock began to fill and he hoped like hell she couldn’t feel it. What would she think if she knew seeing her like this turned him on?

  If he kept thinking, he would draw the discipline out to what Kendrick called the “Punishment side of the line.” While many people used the two words interchangeably and with others Kendrick did as well, when he taught Ryan, he separated them. “Punishment is all about how the Dom feels. If he or she is annoyed or angry, it’s their problem and they should go get themselves under fucking control before they lay a hand on their sub. Discipline is about the sub. Curing a fault. Changing a habit. Getting rid of guilt. The end result is with the sub in mind. It’s going to hurt, but it’s about helping. Not harming.”

  Ryan took a firm hold on Alexis’s waist and brought his hand down with a firm swat. She squeaked and jerked, but didn’t try to get away. “One,” he murmured, watching as the pink disappeared into her normal skin tone. “Two,” he said more firmly and brought his hand down harder. Alexis cried out and he hoped he had enough strength in his swing. He didn’t want to harm her. Just help her pay for her mistake so she’d feel better.

  By his fifth swing, she spoke up. “I’ll eat l-lunch,” she choked out.

  By his seventh swing the things she offered both surprised and amused him. “No, you can’t use sex to get out of this, Alexis. Sex is good. Sex is a reward. It’s never discipline for me.” At least he had no intention of ever using it that way.

  On ten, he brought his hand down hard at the base of her buttocks. She hiccupped over his lap. It wasn’t even close to the sobs he’d seen from other subs when they’d been duly disciplined, as if they cried out all their woes, but this was her first time. He didn’t want to be too strict or harsh.

  Unable not to, he rubbed lightly over her beautiful skin. The heat of the spanking was light but it had turned her cheeks a dusky pink and he looked forward to the day she let him do an erotic spanking. He looked forward to getting it darker and hotter. And bringing her to orgasm.

  “It’s okay, Lex,” he whispered, rubbing over her back. “All done now.” She sniffled and lifted up her head so he helped her stand and pulled up her panties and jeans. Alexis fumbled to get them buttoned and he let her. Pink tinged her face and he had the feeling if he didn’t do something, she’d pull away from him. So he stood up and pulled her into a tight hug. “You did so well. I know it wasn’t easy but I’m proud of you.”

  Her trembling ceased for a second. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. Looked like she needed some encouragement. “You’re so brave. You took all ten swats.”

  “I tried to get out of it,” she mumbled against his shirt.

  He chuckled. “Most subs do, Lex. I think it’s hardwired or something.” Ryan pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “How do you feel?”

  It was a few moments before she responded. “Okay.”

  That wasn’t a good response. “Okay? Are you hurt? Embarrassed? Hate me?”

  “No,” she said with a cough. “I don’t hate you. But I don’t know if I can look you in the eyes ever again.”

  Amused, he hugged her a little tighter and then loosened his grip. “Look at me.”

  She kept her head against his chest.

  “Come on, Lex. Look at me.” When she didn’t move, he forced himself to be firmer. “Alexis. Now.” Her head came up fast and she stared at him, startled. “There you go.” He stared into her eyes for a long moment, hoping she would see he meant what he said. “Everything’s fine, Alexis. Nothing to worry about. But I’m hoping it helped you. Did it?” What if it hadn’t? Kendrick said each sub had discipline that worked for them. If spanking didn’t work for her, he’d have to find something different.

  She grimaced a smile and reached behind her to touch her rump gently. “I feel weird. As though I should be hating myself and yet the anger I had is so small it’s hard to fan the flames.”

  Relieved, he nodded. “That’s it. It’s the spanking helping to let your guilt go.” Though it sounded like he should have done it harder. Well, next time. “I’ve heard it described by some as an empty where emotion used to be.”

  Her eyes widened and she nodded. “Yeah. It didn’t take it all away, but I don’t feel angry at myself about lunch anymore.”

  “Good.” He hugged her tight again and kissed her. “Now, how about that dinner?”

  She glanced over at the door, her skin turning slightly pale. “Do we have to?”

  “Yes. Lex, what we just did? It’s more the norm here. At least to those who live D/s twenty-four seven. Not only will nobody think badly of you, but it might help you to feel a part of things. Other subs will get it. Also, I think you need to go out or you’ll build it up into this big scary thing and never want to leave your cabin again.”

  A soft laugh left her lips and she nodded. “Yeah. I’d rather not go out now. I can imagine by tomorrow I’ll want to barricade myself in.”

  “Then let’s go get some dinner.
Then what do you think about coming back here afterward?”

  She grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Don’t want the chance of running into your folks again?”

  Groaning, he shuddered. “Dear God, no. Please. No.”

  A peal of girlish laughter filled the air making him grin. “Okay,” she said and took a deep breath. “Let’s go face the world.”

  The cafeteria wasn’t too busy. Then again, most of the families seemed to enjoy cooking for themselves on the days the Faire wasn’t operating. Ryan saw several of the single members of the community and waved at them as they walked in.

  Chef Michaelo looked up as they stepped up to the window that separated the seating area from the kitchen. He nodded. “What can I get you, Ryan?” His eyes flicked to Alexis and back. “And for your girl?”

  Ryan looked over at the board. “What do you think, Lex?” he asked, squeezing her shoulder. There was only one main entrée: meatloaf. But there was a large choice of sides. After getting their food, they walked over to an empty table and sat down. He noticed several glances from single Doms at Alexis as they passed.

  While they were starting a D/s relationship, they were basically in the kiddie pool. It was too early to stake a claim. Probably. At the same time, he wanted to wrap a collar around her throat. Let those guys know she was taken.

  She sat down gingerly, though he knew she couldn’t be too sore. He’d gone easy on her.

  A couple Doms smiled when they saw her sit and turned away. Well, at least that helped.

  “So are you ready to work the Faire tomorrow?” he asked once they started to eat.

  “Yes. I’ll be glad not to clean cabins for the next few days,” she said with a grin. “It’s hard work.”

  Work. The Faire. Crap. Ryan pulled his phone out and sent a text to Kendrick.

  Ryan: Alexis doesn’t have anything fetishy to wear. She’ll be taking the lunches and dinners to the shopkeepers tomorrow. Got any ideas?

  Alexis watched as he typed, but didn‘t say anything. “I just realized,” he explained, “that you’ll be on Faire grounds. Which means you’ll need to be in fetish wear.”

  Her eyes widened and she glanced down at her clothes. “I don’t have anything,” she whispered.

  “Kendrick has a way of pulling things out of thin air. I’m sure he can come up with something.” Hopefully it wouldn’t include the idea of sending her around naked. Not only would that embarrass her and possibly send her running for the peninsula, but he didn’t want anyone seeing her body. Hell. He hadn’t seen all of it yet.

  His phone buzzed and he glanced at it.

  Kendrick: Perfect timing. I’ve been talking to some of our shopkeepers who say they’re willing to donate costumes to our actors if they get advertising for it. Where are you?

  Ryan: Cafeteria.

  Kendrick: Stop by my office afterward. I’ve got a few pieces she can choose from.

  “Like I said,” he said with a chuckle. “Kendrick wants us to stop by his office. I guess several shopkeepers have donated outfits for advertising purposes.”

  She looked thoughtful but didn’t comment. They mostly ate in silence but it felt comfortable, so he went with it.

  “Ryan.” He glanced up at the voice and waved as Mark strode toward them. “Good to see you. Ready for our shibari lesson?” Crap. Ryan had forgotten. But he couldn’t pass it up.

  “I’d actually forgot, but yes. I need to escort Alexis to Kendrick’s office after this. But I’ll meet you after that.” Dang. That took away from his time with her. He couldn’t just bail on his lessons either.

  “And who’s this doll?” Mark asked with a sly smile as he reached a hand out toward her. “Father Mark Able, at your service. If you have anything to repent of, I’m your man.”

  Ryan stiffened, afraid it would bother her. Instead, Alexis laughed. “You were on top of the gates last Friday when I arrived,” she said with a smile. “I remember.”

  “I am memorable,” Mark agreed with a bit of a leer. “So tell me, doll, I don’t see a collar. Are you owned? Or are you free. Because I wouldn’t mind—”

  “Taken,” Ryan said firmly. And a bit loudly. Several heads turned in their direction and heat flooded into his cheeks.

  Mark’s leer pulled into a huge grin. “Ah. So that’s how it is. Good for you, Ryan. And can I learn her name? Or is it a secret?”

  Ryan felt a bit like a Neanderthal. Mark wouldn’t try to steal Alexis. Nobody would. “Sorry, Mark. This is Lexi. She’s working the Faire this summer.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet Ryan’s girl.” Mark took her hand and bent over it, placing a courtly kiss on the back. “And might I say, you have sublime skin. I bet it turns a beautiful shade of rose.” As if on cue, her cheeks turned a dusky pink. “And there it is. Lucky bastard.” Mark released her hand and smacked Ryan on the shoulder. “All right. I’ll leave you to your dinner. Come to the Altar in an hour. I’ll have everything set up.”

  After he left, Ryan wondered if he should say something. He couldn’t apologize as Mark was just being Mark. But would she be insulted?

  He needn’t have worried. Her brown eyes twinkled when he looked into them. “You have interesting friends,” she said with a small smile. “Religious kink. Who knew?”

  Laughing, he nodded. “There’s something for everyone, Lex.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Alexis was both confused and utterly happy. The spanking had hurt but wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d expected it to be. She should have known it wouldn’t be that bad. Ryan would never harm her.

  But it was his statement in the cafeteria that she was taken that confused her the most. Her twenty-first century sensibilities said she should be shocked and horrified by the inference that she belonged to him. Instead, she felt tingly and excited. And turned on. It was annoying that he had to go to his shibari lesson.

  “Can I come to your cabin after my lesson?” Ryan asked as they walked toward Kendrick’s office. “It will be late.”

  “I’d like that,” she said, casting a shy glance his way. “You can stay the night again… If you want.”

  His blue eyes lit up. “Great. I would have asked to postpone the lesson but he’s been really great about offering to teach me. I had forgotten, but we have our lessons on Wednesday nights. I hate to break my word.”

  Just another reason she liked him. He was a man of his word. How wonderfully old school of him.

  “That’s all right. It will give me a chance to clean up my place a little. How long will the lesson take?”

  “Two hours on a regular week. I’m not sure how much for tonight. This will be the first week I tie someone up suspended in ropes.”

  A tinge of jealousy shot through her but she ignored it. It was just tying someone. It meant nothing.

  “Maybe one time you can come watch?” he said hesitantly. “I won’t be any good yet. But I’d love to have you there. Who knows? Maybe you’d like to be in ropes someday.” He sounded hopeful.

  “I’d like to come watch,” she agreed as he opened the door to the office and they walked in. “I’m still trying to imagine bondage as art.”

  James’s office was dark, which felt odd as each time she’d been there before, he and his little chihuahua had been a fixture.

  “Ryan, Alexis, come in,” Kendrick called from his office. How did he know it was them?

  They stepped inside his office and her mouth almost dropped open. Hanging all over the walls were outfits. Slave girl, harem girl, something so small she didn’t think calling it a costume was right—would it even cover her nipples?—and two thin pieces of string that she thought might be underwear. Thinking about wearing such a piece of nothing outdoors both horrified and excited her. Though it only excited her if Ryan would be nearby to protect her. She didn’t think she could wear it if he wasn’t there.

  “Ah good.” Kendrick looked up from his desk. “We have ten outfits to choose from. They all have a little advertisement you’ll wear so that people
can see where the outfit came from. Once you choose, I’ll show you where on the map that particular shopkeeper is.” He waved around. “Some of the fun of the Faire is playing a part. Who do you want to be, Alexis?”

  That was a good question. Before she could start to really look, Ryan glanced at his watch. “Damn. I’ve got to go. See you soon?” She turned toward him and for a moment, he looked unsure but then a firm expression crossed his face, one she was just beginning to recognize—it sent a cascade of nerves into her belly. He cupped the back of her head and kissed her, hard and wanting. With a groan, she sunk into him, grasping onto his shirt to keep standing as he plundered her mouth. When he pulled away, she was panting and it took a few seconds before she could stand up straight. Ryan grinned at her, winked, and walked out of the office.

  How was she supposed to function after that?

  “Ryan’s a good man.” Kendrick’s voice startled her as she’d forgotten he was in the room.

  “Yes, he is.” She turned toward the walls and looked at each piece. There seemed to be a lot of gauze and several corsets. Alexis passed the almost-nonexistent outfit by. In the corner was something different. It had a bright yellow bodysuit with feathers along the back and cutouts where the breasts would be. There was a hat with plumage. It also had some sort of metal ball with feathers attached to it. “What’s this?”

  Kendrick stood up and walked over to her. “That’s a bird costume.” He pointed to the parts. “The body. The head. The tail.”

  Tail? Alexis blinked at the metal ball. “How does it stay on?”

  He chuckled. “It’s an anal plug, Alexis. That part goes inside your ass and holds the plug in.”

  Heat rocketed through her face and she was sure he could feel it. People put metal up their rear ends? She quickly put the ball back. Kendrick’s chuckle filled the room but he went back to sit behind his desk. “Are you beginning to wonder if we’re all insane?” he asked in amusement.