Love in the Rockies Page 16

  Though his words were harsh, his touch remained soothing and gentle. He was upset with her for not being truthful, but concern always trumped disappointment. “I know,” she answered. Jerry’s consequences weren’t fun, but he was always fair.

  “How’s your tummy? Are you nauseated at all?”

  “No, sir.”

  “A good sign. All the same, I want you to go to bed and rest for a bit.”

  “But —”

  “Do you want a spanking after all, young lady?” he inquired, cutting her off.

  Elly winced and clenched her butt cheeks together. “No, sir.”

  “Then what are you going to do?”

  “I guess I’m going to lie down and rest for a bit.”

  “Wise answer.” He helped her rise, then placed two hands at her waist and turned her to face him. “You and I will discuss this again, later tonight, after you’re better. Understand?”

  A reprieve, of sorts. Her health always came first as far as Jerry was concerned. He never punished when she felt ill, which she appreciated, though it left her dreading the moment when he decided she was well enough to answer for her errors in judgment. Even so, he was never overly harsh with her. In fact, compared to Arthur, Jerry was far more tolerant and understanding than she deserved.

  When Elly gave a nod, he regarded her with a raised eyebrow and a tap against her waist. “Yes, sir,” she whispered.

  Grinning, he placed a kiss on her bare belly. “Another good answer. You’re two for two this afternoon.” He helped draw up her pink sweatpants, then rose and gave her a hug. “Never worry about disturbing me, Elly. You’re what’s most important to me. You take precedence.”

  And there lay the crux of her problem. She had difficulty viewing herself as a priority, and yet she couldn’t question his statement unless she wanted a lecture on her value as an individual. She knew he loved her, and his concern for her was real, but he didn’t deserve to be dragged away from his work every time she got a hangnail. Especially, when the ‘hangnail’ could only be cured by cutting her finger off.

  They’d discussed long and hard whether she felt comfortable remaining in a domestic discipline relationship after what Arthur did to her. The thought of placing herself in a similar situation caused Elly many nights of anxiety, but Jerry understood. Offering her unlimited patience and consideration, he talked through Elly’s concerns with her and her mentor, Kelli Jackson.

  Jerry strongly believed in the DD dynamic. So strongly, Elly suspected he would be unhappy in a non-spanking marriage, and she loved him too much to make him miserable, so they compromised. He promised her an equal say in every decision they made, and she promised to be open and honest about her feelings. He preferred to be the final arbitrator in their discussions, but if she couldn’t consent to his terms, he agreed to call in an unbiased third party. Unfortunately, that person would most likely be Brent Carmichael, who was also Jerry’s best friend. So far, they had been able to work through everything themselves, so Brent’s input hadn’t been required, though Elly secretly wondered whether Brent could be as impartial as Jerry assured her his friend and mentor would be.

  After they’d talked through each rule in their current bylaws, Elly agreed to abide by them with the understanding Jerry would spank her if she broke one, and all punishment decisions needed to be his alone. Even she doubted she would always agree to a spanking when she went afoul of their rules, despite the fact Jerry never spanked Elly against her will. However, once she laid bare butt over his knees, he was the boss. Point was, even though Jerry did nothing to prompt her unease, Elly no longer thought she could marry him, not if he insisted she vow before God to obey him.

  His fingers moved up to her shoulders where he massaged away her tension. “Ellly... Why do I get the impression you’re still not being completely honest with me?”

  Swallowing over the lump in her throat, she gazed up at him and asked, “Do we have to get married?”

  CHAPTER TWO

  He grew unnaturally still. “What?”

  Elly swallowed as uncertainty tightened her throat. “I’m not sure I want to get married.”

  His brows came together in a frown as he drew his cell phone out and pressed a button. “Sally. Something’s come up. Could you cancel the rest of my appointments for today? Oh. Right. Ask Kelly to examine Fluffypuss and see if worming medicine might help. She knows the proper dose to recommend. If it’s more serious, give me a call and I’ll come check out the cat myself. Anything else?” A pause. “Kelly can give vaccinations, too. Tell her I’m sorry, and I’ll make it up to her tomorrow. Thanks.” He returned the phone to his pocket and stared at Elly.

  Guilt lay heavy on her chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pull you away from work. In fact, I was doing my best not to. I’m just being silly, and —”

  “Stop it. Stop it right now. I’m going to get two of your headache tablets, and then I want you to talk this through with me. If it’s too much, we’ll continue after dinner. Now, go sit down. I’ll be right with you.”

  Sighing, Elly trudged into the living room and took a seat, pulling her knees up to her chin. Jerry returned a few minutes later with two white pills and some water. She swallowed the tablets without comment, then lowering her legs; she set the empty glass on the low table before them.

  He gave her a single nod, sat beside her, and swiveled his body to face her. “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

  Angling her body so their knees almost touched, she admitted, “I keep thinking about Arthur.”

  “What about him?”

  “That he didn’t really change until after we got married.” Jerry stiffened and she placed a hand on his thigh. “I realize you two are nothing alike, and my fears are ridiculous… It’s just… I was wondering why we couldn’t simply continue as we’re doing. We love each other, so it’s not essential we make our relationship legally binding, is it?”

  He leaned back against the couch. “Elly, do you want children?”

  “You know I do.”

  “Good. So do I. You also heard about the legal difficulties my parents encountered, given how and where I was born. There was never any question as to my mother and father being legally married U.S. Citizens, but they still needed to work with the city of Chicago and its state to get my birth legitimized, because I wasn’t anywhere near Illinois when I drew my first breath. We weren’t even over land at the time.”

  Elly blinked. “Your mother spoke of the experience like it was a humorous adventure for her.”

  “Now, almost thirty years later, maybe she does see the humor, but at the time, neither of them thought my unexpected appearance was the least bit funny. Point is, I never want my children faced with the problem of legitimacy. Their mother will be married to me, with no doubts or stigma attached. Do you understand?”

  As his words sunk in, Elly realized marriage was more than a next step for Jerry. He considered a legal union between them as essential. “I’m sorry —”

  “Stop apologizing, and tell me what you need.”

  His request emerged with a bit more snap than she expected. “What do you mean?”

  Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. “What can I do to ease your mind that I won’t turn into the Incredible Hulk the moment you are legally mine? In fact, I suspect little will change between us.”

  “But some things will change?”

  “Well, yes. Your name for one. You do intend to change your last name to Douglas, don’t you?”

  Though they’d never discussed it, she always assumed she would take Jerry’s name. However, the task of altering her name never made her list of concerns. “Is that all?”

  “Why don’t you tell me what you’re afraid might happen, so I can take steps to assure you it won’t.”

  Her heart sank. “You don’t think I’m being foolish?”

  “No. I don’t find anything remotely foolish about this conversation. Did you tell Traci you were uneasy about marrying me?”

&
nbsp; She shook her head as her worries intensified. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because… Because I was scared to. She would start asking questions, and I —”

  “Part of the reason you’re meeting with her is to talk through your anxieties regarding your past as well as your present and future. If you can’t even be honest with your therapist, we have bigger problems than this. How about Kelli? Did you tell her you had fears about legally bonding with me in wedlock? That our relationship might change too much?”

  Fighting back tears, Elly focused on her clenched hands. “No, sir.”

  “Sweetie, I’m not angry with you. I’m… I’m trying to understand why you didn’t even hint you had some reservations before now.”

  Lowering her face to her hands, Elly murmured, “I’m sorry. I thought you would tell me I was being idiotic, and my fears were ungrounded.”

  “Elly, you’re not a fool or an idiot. Given your experience, I’d say you have good reason to worry you might be making a similar mistake, even though I thought I’d assured you that you weren’t, but —”

  She jerked her head up to face him. “You have, Jerry. I’m not afraid of you.”

  “But you weren’t afraid of Arthur before you married him, either. Were you?”

  She hesitated for a moment. “No.”

  “So how did the relationship change between the two of you after you wed?”

  “He grew stricter with me.”

  “When? Right away?”

  Recalling how her idealistic, girlish dreams shattered like a broken mirror on her wedding night, she nodded and whispered, “The same night, actually.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  She nodded again. “I even asked him to stop, but he told me first times were always painful, and I needed to grow accustomed to his size.”

  “You were a virgin.”

  He didn’t make it a question, but she answered as if he’d asked one. “Yes. He wanted to wait until we were legally bound before he lay with me.”

  “Did he do anything to prepare you?”

  “You mean like foreplay?” she asked, remembering how Arthur ordered her to strip and lie down while he fastidiously removed his own clothes before he mounted her.

  “Yes, or kiss you. Did he try at all to arouse you before penetration?”

  Meeting Jerry’s gaze, she shook her head. “No. He knew he hurt me. He wasn’t cruel about it, just matter of fact.” And so uncaring about her emotions and feelings. “When I cried, he consoled me with a lecture on obedience and submission along with a list of his expectations.”

  “Great. Just what every terrified young bride needs on her wedding night. A lesson on submissiveness. Did he ever kiss you before marriage?”

  Every night he treated her to an effusive peck on the cheek, though she doubted that’s what Jerry meant. “Arthur always acted quite gentlemanly toward me, making sure I was comfortable at all times and had everything I needed. Then, at the end of our evening, he never failed to kiss me goodnight.”

  “What about touching? Did he stroke your breasts or rub you between your legs?”

  Elly frowned. Discussing intimate details, especially those concerning her first husband, made her vastly uncomfortable. “Not until after we were married. He considered such petting rude and said he respected me too much to take advantage of me that way.”

  “Wow. He was a smooth operator. Did he discuss domestic discipline with you at all before you wed?”

  “Not in those words. He did say he believed men should be head of their households and wives should defer to their husbands in all things.”

  “How did you feel about that?”

  Elly had developed a serious problem with submission. She didn’t like being ordered about or controlled by anyone else’s restrictions, which Jerry quickly discovered. As a result, he always got her agreement before he added a new rule. If she disagreed with his proposal, like having to give an accounting of all her expenditures, they compromised by setting a dollar amount. Both of them had to get the other’s approval before purchasing an item that cost more than one hundred dollars. He agreed Christmas and birthday presents could be an exception, but held himself to the same standards he set for her. Arthur, however, wouldn’t even discuss the notion of equality in their marriage. He was the boss, end of story.

  “You know how I felt about Arthur,” she answered with a sigh. “He was handsome, commanding, intelligent and domineering. I was young, silly and in love with the thought of a man like him taking command and protecting me. I just didn’t understand what that meant until after…”

  “After he deflowered you and began to assert his authority?”

  Closing her eyes against the unpleasant memory, she gave a nod. “Yes. Though, he was still respectful toward me in the beginning. A little patronizing, perhaps, but he didn’t try to diminish me. He would correct me if I said or did something wrong, but he wouldn’t call me stupid or thoughtless. He liked teaching me things, but he also preferred to be the one in control.”

  “That’s not unusual. Many Heads of Households prefer to set the rules. So when did he give you your first spanking?”

  Elly squirmed as she recalled the embarrassing day in question. She didn’t care for the direction this conversation was taking, but understood why Jerry was asking, so she did her best to be honest. “A few days after we were settled in our new home. I burned our dinner and set off the smoke detector, bringing the fire department to our door.”

  “Hmm. Let me guess. He punished you for being inattentive to the point you put yourself and your home in danger in a way that humiliated him?”

  Elly gaped in surprise. “How did you know?”

  “I finally figured out how your husband thinks.”

  “I didn’t intend to disappoint or shame him.”

  “Of course not. Do you remember why he spanked you the second time?”

  “I argued with him, and he took exception to my tone.”

  “What did you argue about?”

  Elly glanced up to meet his gaze. “My working.” She and Jerry had a similar disagreement, but for a slightly different reason. He didn’t like the thought of her driving to Denver or Boulder during the winter. She could work out of their home, if she wished, but he preferred she didn’t commute. Elly gave in, but planned to broach the topic again in the spring.

  “He wanted me to quit my job. I liked being a receptionist, but he believed all my attention should be focused on him, and my working reflected badly on his ability to provide for me. I pointed out that a lot of women worked, and their husbands didn’t seem to mind.”

  “And he spanked you for saying that?”

  “No, but I got a warning my tone bordered on disrespect.”

  “Did it?”

  “According to our established rules, yes. I deliberately challenged his authority.”

  “So, what was the tipping point?”

  “When I told him I thought his attitude was a relic from the dark ages, and he had the social conscience of a Neanderthal.”

  Jerry choked. “Yeah. I can imagine he took exception to that.”

  “He took more than exception. He took a wooden spoon to my rear end and told me I acted no better than a spoiled brat who needed to be taken in hand.”

  “And you disagreed?”

  Elly shrugged. “I didn’t much care for his punishment, but he had a point. I was acting like a spoiled brat, because I was mad and didn’t like him telling me what to do.” She stared at Jerry. “I should have the right to work if I want.”

  “Okay, I’m going to let that pass and move on. Did the two of you ever discuss whether or not you would work before you got married?”

  “Some. He said he didn’t approve and would definitely want me to quit once I got pregnant, but he didn’t say I’d need to submit my notice before then.”

  “So, how long were you together before the topic came up again?”

  “The argument occurred
the week after we returned from our honeymoon. I had to stay late and he didn’t appreciate coming home to a dark house. So, when I got home he ordered me to turn in my two-week notice the following Monday, and I, not-so-politely, refused.”

  “Did you consider his reaction harsh?”

  “No. I guess not. Though his swats hurt, I could sit with a minimum of discomfort the next morning. But even if he wasn’t being overly harsh, I still thought he was unfair. It was only one time, and I was home probably fifteen minutes later than he was. I thought he overreacted.”

  Jerry nodded, but didn’t comment. “So what happened once the spanking was over?”

  “I said I’d resign.”

  “Were you crying?”

  Elly raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

  “That you were unhappy, but you agreed to do as he wanted because ultimately he was the boss. What I want to know is what he did once you capitulated to his request.”

  “Nice save. He made me stand in the corner on display for ten minutes, and then ordered me to fix dinner, which he said should have been ready and waiting on the table for him.”

  “Was that the end of the argument?”

  “Yeah. I guess. I was still angry and called my mother the next day, but she sided with Arthur, as usual. He could do no wrong in her eyes.”

  “What about after you finished eating? What did the two of you do then?”

  Her jaw dropping, she stared at him for a few seconds before her temper kicked in. “He took me upstairs. Is that what you want to hear, Jerry? How my husband liked to fuck me after he punished me?”

  Jerry clamped his lips together for a moment and didn’t say anything. When he spoke, his voice carried the soft reproof of a dominant male. “You’re angry. I can understand that. However, your response was both rude and crude, and I don’t think I deserve such attitude or language. Do you?”