Love in the Rockies Page 17

  Elly instantly responded by lowering her eyes. He was right. Her smart mouth still got her into trouble. “No, sir.”

  “Then I would like an apology from you, now.”

  Eyes burning and throat tight, she met his gaze. “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “For?”

  “For losing my temper and snapping at you so impolitely.”

  “Thank you.”

  Still holding her breath, Elly gave a single nod. Jerry rarely got angry, but when he adopted that tone, she knew she skated over dangerous waters and had best return to an area with more stable footing at once. After a bit, he took a deep breath, and she let out her own.

  “How’s your head?”

  “Better, I guess.”

  “Would you like to lie down for a while?”

  Elly hesitated. “Is that what you want me to do?”

  “No… But your earlier tone indicates I may have overextended your limits this afternoon, and I don’t want to do that. I would like to resolve this, but not at the expense of your health. Do you understand?”

  She blinked as she realized she still hadn’t reached the safety of shore. The ice wasn’t quite as brittle where she stood now, but it wasn’t solid, either. “Yes, sir.”

  He gave a nod, then leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms. “So, tell me what you want to do. Lie down, or continue talking. There is no wrong answer here.”

  “I said I was sorry,” she pointed out, as the coolness of his tone created an unpleasant tingle along the length of her spine.

  “Yes, you did, and I accepted your apology.”

  “But you’re still angry with me.”

  He met her gaze. “I am disappointed with your attitude. Such language reflects a strong disrespect, and that bothers me.”

  Wanting and needing his forgiveness, she whispered, “May I sit on your lap?”

  He unfolded his arms and dropped his hands to the side to give her room. Moving cautiously, she shifted her position and lowered herself to his thighs. When he didn’t hug and pull her to him, her heart sank. He was more hurt than she’d realized. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, but I was getting frustrated. I’m uncomfortable talking about Arthur with you.”

  He gave a nod. “I do understand that. This isn’t an easy conversation for me, either.”

  “I know, but I really need a hug right now to reassure me I’m forgiven.”

  Without another word, he drew her close, tucked her head beneath his chin and encased her in a protective embrace. His gentleness brought tears to her eyes and she cried against him while he rubbed her neck and shoulders to comfort her. After her crying lessened, he handed her a tissue. “Blow your nose, sweetie. Everything’s all right. You’re not in any trouble or danger.”

  Nodding, she did as he asked, grateful for his understanding. Her words had hurt him, but he didn’t hold a grudge. He’d asked for an apology, and once she gave it, as far as he was concerned the issue was resolved. Except, even an expression of regret didn’t magically remove the sting from a barb, and she recognized his pain in the stiffness and formality he used with her. But when she told him his reaction troubled her, he immediately adjusted his behavior to make her feel better. He always did that, and she found herself seated this way almost every time after they argued. Safely protected in the security of his arms.

  He idly stroked her back for a while. Not saying anything, but his slow, even breathing told her he got as much solace from holding her as she received from being held.

  Finally, he said, “This is what I wanted to know, Elly. Did your husband ever offer you comfort and absolution after a lecture or punishment?”

  “No.”

  “I didn’t think so. Have I ever not held and reassured you after I scolded or punished you?”

  She toyed with the buttons on his lab coat, which he still wore. “No, sir.”

  “And therein lies the difference between us.”

  Considering his words, she gave a slight nod. “I know.”

  “Do you think I will treat you any differently once you are fully mine in name as well as heart?”

  Elly closed her eyes and let out a breath. “I hope not.”

  “But you aren’t sure?”

  “I do love you.”

  “I realize that, but your affection isn’t what’s at question here, sweetheart. It’s your trust. Arthur abused you and you fear I might also, once I become your husband in the eyes of the law. I’m already your guardian in many other respects. All we’re doing on Saturday is making our relationship a legal marriage.”

  “And binding,” she added.

  “No more binding than it is now. I don’t intend to chain you up and hold you prisoner once you say ‘I do.’ I won’t even tie you to the bed unless you agree first.”

  Realizing he was teasing to lighten the mood, she chuckled wryly against his chest. Although the thought of being tied anywhere caused her stomach to knot.

  “You have a lot of supporters here, Elly, who wouldn’t hesitate to trounce me if I even considered mistreating you, which I would never do. No matter what. I love you with all my heart, and I don’t like seeing you unhappy or uncomfortable.”

  Her heart understood; her mind still had doubts. “I know.”

  “So, do you want me to call off the wedding?”

  Lifting her head, she turned to meet his gaze and confessed, “Arthur used to punish me anally.”

  “What?”

  She spoke quickly, as though saying the words fast would make the memories less painful. “He had a huge butt plug he would force into me, then he’d cane me so it would dig deeper and cause me more pain. When I was finally sobbing and begging him to stop, he would… He’d take me that way, too. I think he liked hearing me cry and beg. Making me do things I hated made him feel stronger, more powerful. My weakness gave him pleasure, even though he claimed it didn’t. I realize now that he got off on hurting me.”

  “He was a sadist, who enjoyed anal play. That’s not unusual, but it helps explain why you’re so skittish when I take your temperature.”

  Shaking her head, Elly admitted, “It didn’t feel like play to me.” Then she asked the question that made a part of her shrink in fear. “Will you want to have sex with me that way, too?”

  “If I did, I would make sure it was an entirely different experience for you.”

  She tried again, hoping he would give the answer she sought this time. “But once we’re married, will you insist I let you do that to me?”

  “Insist we have anal sex? No. Persuade and coax? Probably.”

  As a voice inside her head screamed in refusal, she whispered, “Except even the thought of trying scares me.”

  “Good to know.”

  Meeting his gaze, her throat grew tight with fear. “After we’re wed, I will no longer have the right to refuse you.”

  He shook his head. “That’s pure hogwash. Your ability to say no won’t mysteriously disappear once we get married, Elly.”

  Experience had taught her otherwise. “Legally, it will though. I will have promised to obey you. I can be punished if I don’t.”

  “Sweetie, you can be punished now if you disobey me. That won’t change.”

  She gaped at him. Why didn’t he understand? “But I haven’t promised anything, yet.”

  “You think not?”

  Marriage vows were sacred to her, and he treated them as if they held no significance. “Well, I haven’t.”

  “The fact you’re living with me now, puts you under my authority, Elly. I’m still our HoH, and as such, that makes me responsible for your actions and you answerable to me as well as my rules. You understand what they are because we discussed them, and you’ve agreed with each one. None of that will change after we wed.”

  Swallowing back her unease, she blurted, “But must I promise to obey you?”

  He drew back with a frown. “Is that what this is about? Your vow of obedience?”

  “In part,” she whisp
ered.

  “You think removing that single word from your vows will alter something between us?”

  “Maybe.”

  He nodded, then tapped her hip. “I think you should get up now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I need to get back to work.”

  “Jerry —”

  “No, Elly. I want you to think about what you just said to me. You envision your avowal to do something you’re already doing now will affect me in some way. That I will make demands of you I wouldn’t even consider making now. I’d like you to give some thought as to why you suspect that might happen. Do you imagine me ordering you to your knees so you can fellate me? Or perhaps insisting you allow me access to every part of your body regardless of your wishes? If you believe your vow to obey will change me so dramatically I will no longer respect your thoughts and feelings, then I think we should call off the wedding, and you might want to find another place to live.”

  Her eyes burned at his words. “Why?”

  “Because as long as you suppose I’m capable of such disregard for you, I will never be able to convince you otherwise. No matter what I say or do. Now, get up please.”

  His disappointment ate at her like acid. “Are you going to kick me out?”

  “No. I’m going to go back to work where people have confidence in me to do what’s best for them and the animals I treat.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, Elly. You’re not. This isn’t a punishable offense, but it is a deal breaker. I can’t build a life with you if you can’t trust me enough to protect and care for you.”

  Shaking her head in denial, she said, “It’s not that, I —”

  “Yes, it is. It’s exactly that. The very fact you think I could and would force you to do something against your will, because I expect you to obey me, indicates you don’t trust me. You might love me, and want to believe I won’t hurt you, but a part of your mind will always wonder when and if I will turn against you the way Arthur did. We can’t live that way. I can’t live that way. Now, please get up so I can leave.”

  He couldn’t walk away if she refused to move, so Elly pressed against him. “No. I won’t.”

  “Fine.” Without another word, he lifted her from his lap and set her down on the couch beside him. “I’ll be back in about an hour. Go ahead and lie down. I’ll fix dinner.”

  With that, he turned and strode back to his clinic.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Numb, Elly slumped on the couch and reviewed what happened. Her foolishness just cost her Jerry’s love, and she didn’t know how to fix it. The pounding in her head grew vicious. Unable to sit or lie down, she got up and retrieved the swatches she’d scattered onto the floor. Once the living room was restored, she gazed out at the snow-covered ground. Colorado remained white from late October through to April, when occasional patches of green could be spotted.

  Grabbing her light blue winter jacket, she decided to go for a walk. Jerry expected her to inform him if she went out for any reason, so he wouldn’t worry. He didn’t put her on a schedule, the way Arthur did, but asked that she kept him informed of her intentions. She didn’t think she could talk to him right now without bursting into tears, so as a concession, she shoved her phone in her pocket. However, when she collected her keys both dogs came running over with the hope of an outing.

  “No guys. Mommy needs to be alone for a while.” Muffin, who possessed the stubbornness every toy poodle seemed to inherit, refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. And to prove her point she began hopping at Elly’s leg.

  “Fine. Okay. You win. Let me get your leashes.”

  Jerry preferred Elly take his large black lab with her when she went walking. Though Jack was far more likely to lick an assailant than attack one, his mere size served as a deterrent. Elly attached their leads, stepped outside and took a deep breath of the chilled air, recalling how affronted Arthur appeared when she’d dared to lob a snowball at him. After brushing off the snow, he frowned down at her with a scowl and advised her, in a tone more frosty than the weather, that such childish games were beneath his dignity, and should be beneath hers as well. Given they’d only been engaged for a month, she should have taken his scolding as a warning.

  Selecting a well-worn path, Elly realized she hadn’t seen her prig of a husband since they met with their lawyers to discuss the settlement. He’d acted remarkably civilized about the divorce; then again, Arthur adopted a civil attitude toward everything he did. Even on the day he attempted to waylay her, when both of them were scheduled to collect a few belongings. Once Elly’s petition was filed with the county and her husband had been served, their assets were frozen. In addition, the police cordoned off most of their living room as a crime scene, so everything needed to be preserved while the detectives and attorneys gathered evidence to support or refute the assault charges being brought against Arthur by her Corbin’s Bend lawyers.

  Brent sought to minimize the friction by scheduling them several hours apart. The intent was for Arthur to go in first, collect his permitted items, then security would make sure he left the area before anyone contacted Elly. Except when Arthur Benson executed a plan, he made sure events were set up to his liking. Realizing he was being watched, he drove away as expected, then walked back, keeping to the shadows and trees like a venomous spider lying in wait for the unsuspecting beetle to come within range.

  With both Brent and Jerry accompanying her, Elly had assumed she was safe until Arthur stepped into the light from behind a large tree. “Hello, Eleanor.”

  Elly stiffened at the mere sound of his voice while Jerry growled and Brent strode forward to confront their intruder. “There’s a restraining order against you, Benson, and you’re breaking parole by being here. You’d best leave now, or I’ll summon the police to take you away. Two of them are standing inside, and they happen to be my friends, so I’m sure they’d take untold delight in marching you right back to jail.”

  “I appreciate your concern for my welfare, Carmichael, but I want to talk to my wife.”

  “Tough. She has no wish to speak with you,” Jerry advised through a clenched jaw. “So, I suggest you walk away, before I rearrange your face a little more than I did four days ago.”

  “Jerry...” Brent cautioned softly. “Let me handle this, please.”

  Jerry clamped his lips together and curled his hands into fists at his sides until Elly reached for one. He promptly turned to face her, effectively blocking her from Arthur’s view and clasped her hands in his. Giving them a gentle squeeze, he mouthed, “I’m sorry about this.”

  “Eleanor, I want to explain —”

  “Benson, leave now or you will be hauled back to prison,” Brent warned, his voice reflecting years of experience. He wouldn’t hesitate to follow through, and they all knew it.

  “You can’t keep me from my wife. It’s illegal.”

  “Not when she’s filed a restraining order against you, it’s not. She doesn’t wish to see or speak with you. Now leave.”

  “You two won’t always be around to play palace guard to her pitiful princess, and I will have my say.”

  “Fine. I’m sure the judge will be delighted to review your case, after you’re dragged back for breaking parole.”

  Though Brent spoke softly, the menace in his tone was unmistakable. He might be dressed like a businessman, but his threat carried the weight of a true police officer. Once a cop, always a cop wasn’t only a saying. It was a mantra.

  “Good-bye, sweet Eleanor. I shall see you again someday. I promise.” After offering a mock salute, Arthur Benson turned and left. His words might sound innocent enough, but the meaning behind them was not. Jerry and Brent exchanged a meaningful glance that broke when Elly shivered.

  At the slight shake of Brent’s head, Jerry drew her into his arms. “Okay fine,” he spoke over her head to Brent. “Now’s not the time, but tell me, how was he able to do that? I thought you were having him watched.”

  “I was.
However, we don’t posts guards at the entrance to the community. He probably parked some distance away and walked back. That was unfortunate, but we won’t let him get to you, Elly,” Brent reassured as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Arthur can’t bother you anymore. Now come on. Let’s get your things.”

  When they returned to the house, Jerry took Elly by the hand and led her up to his loft bedroom. She couldn’t seem to stop trembling, so he slowly undressed her, taking care to kiss every patch of skin he uncovered until Elly trembled for an entirely different reason. He treated her with a gentle reverence until she pressed her body to his and demanded he take her instead.

  Passion flared between them as Jerry gave Elly everything she desired and more. She ached to feel his possession, so with few preliminaries he staked his claim and rode her until they were both exhausted and replete. Their lovemaking had been more animalistic than romantic that afternoon, partly because she’d been threatened and like a true alpha male, Jerry wanted to leave his mark of possession, and partly because she needed him to reassure her his love hadn’t been tarnished by her husband’s dark nature.

  Now, however, her divorce was final and Arthur had reportedly moved back east. After trying a few times to contact her, he did manage to express regret for causing her miscarriage through their lawyers, but even if he crawled over a field of broken glass, Arthur Benson would never be welcomed back into Corbin’s Bend, so there was little reason for him to remain in Colorado.

  Needing to clear her brain, Elly chose to wander off the well-traveled path and traipse through the woods. Perhaps the bracing air and winter’s natural beauty would remove enough of the cobwebs so she could think. Maybe she could freeze her headache away.

  A cluster of pine trees reminded her of Christmas and Jerry’s proposal, so she stopped to enjoy the tangy scent as she gave the dogs enough lead to allow them to do some sniffing. Not wanting to lose either of them, she didn’t remove their leads, but let them play out to the end of their lines.

  Muffin had just discovered a pinecone in need of a good pouncing, when she jerked her head up with her ears twitching and let out a soft, but menacing growl. Elly recognized the sound to mean someone unfriendly was approaching and went on immediate alert. Without thought or hesitation, she reeled Muffin in close to her, then reached into her coat and pressed the one button on her cell phone. Putting her thumb over the earpiece, in an effort to muffle any sound from the person answering, she secured the device inside her pocket so the mouthpiece cleared its edge. Whoever picked up might be able to hear her without the approaching person’s knowledge.